MASTER CLEANSE

As the saying goes, “You are what you eat” and since I pretty much eat like crap and gorge myself whenever possible… I think I might have a problem!

Consequently, my friend Kim suggested we do THE MASTER CLEANSE. It’s a way to cleanse the body of toxins. It is also said to help remove cravings from things that negatively affect your body like alcohol, caffeine, and junk food. I thought of the big macs, the bacon, the coffee, the margaritas, the steak, the tacos, the french fries… well, basically after taking inventory of the shit I put in my body, I thought maybe THE MASTER CLEANSE might be a good idea.

I am a girl who likes to live life to the fullest! At times, I may be an over indulger in all things I enjoy, but for the most part I am a very active and pretty healthy girl.

[I wanted to take a quick moment here to respond to the (multiple) comments regarding my alcohol intake. I do not have a drinking problem! I write about events, parties, travel in my life and often mention the alcohol (and the excessive amounts of food and unhealthy stuff) I put in my body. This blog is just a sampling of the most exciting parts of my life. I do not have tequila shots for breakfast or drink every night for that matter. Thank you for your comments and concerns. You can stop now.]

I read all about THE MASTER CLEANSE online (I didn’t read the book, but I suggest you do if you are interest in learning more). I found that it involves drinking only lemonade made from fresh lemon juice, grade B maple syrup, water and Cayenne pepper. It is recommended to be do the cleanse for ten days, but it is not uncommon for people to stay on the cleanse for much longer (or on the other hand, for people to not last through the first day). A good indicator of when you are done is when the coating on your tongue clears and your tongue is nice and pink. This is a good way of telling if your body has cleared out most toxins. My tongue is a sexy pink color (OK, maybe I have a BIT of that white coating too). It’s important to listen to your body and judge for yourself when to end the diet (and that is just what I did)!

When doing THE MASTER CLEANSE people will also tend to lose a significant amount of weight. Though this is NOT a good reason to do it, it is a plus (I mean it is bikini season)! Beyoncé did it for 14 days, lost 22 pounds and looked super hot for the movie Dream Girls. I do realize that this is not a quick diet and the weight (mostly water weight) will return if a change in eating habits and lifestyle doesn’t follow.

I called Kim and told her I was in! MASTER CLEANSE here we come! I agreed to start on Monday after prepping over the weekend (by eating healthy and easy on the alcohol and caffeine). I planned on doing the best I could and just see what happens (I don’t have the best will power).

Day 1: Monday morning
7:45am. I woke early with the dogs and felt excited to embrace THE MASTER CLEANSE! I went to health food store to buy everything I would need (lots of lemons, bottled water, grade B maple syrup, senna leaf tea, sea salt and cayenne pepper) then returned home to get started.

8:30am. I started with the Saline Wash, which involved drinking 32 oz of warm spring water with 2 tsp. of sea salt. I made it less than half way (I feel like I’m drowning myself from inside out).

9am. I made my first lemonade.
The recipe:
2 tbsp lemon juice (about ½ a lemon)
1-2 tbsp of pure grade B maple syrup
1/10 tsp cayenne pepper
8-10 oz of purified water (warm to room temp)

Combine ingredients in a large water bottle and drink all day long about 60 oz per day.

It taste way better than I would have imagined, though I may have put too much cayenne pepper in this first batch because my throat was burning slightly all day. I drank 20 ounces in the morning (while at work and at the park where I did some writing).

11:30am. Kim called and told me she wasn’t going to do THE MASTER CLEANSE with me! Is she kidding? This was her idea! Grrr….

1pm. I went to the gym and felt extremely tired so I cut my work out short and instead went home to pass out for a nap. I woke up exhausted and craving coffee! I wasn’t feeling hungry, but my stomach was gurgling as I drank 20 more ounces of lemonade.

6pm. I drank Senna leaf tea (laxative tea). This is very important (though not so sexy to talk about). Your body is excreting lots of toxins and it’s super important to eliminate them. Now here is where my issue began. I drank 6 oz, the recommended amount of the tea… and nothing! I started feeling dry (cotton) mouth and dry eyes so I took out my contacts and drank some regular water.

6:50pm. I started dreaming of food! Healthy food, greasy food, ANY FOOD! I still crave coffee (does this mean I have a problem?) I started on my next 20 oz bottle, but I really wasn’t feeling it anymore.

8:20pm. I decided to have an herbal non-caffeinated tea sweetened lightly with my grade B maple syrup. My mind was still racing with thoughts of food and dreams of coffee. To make it stop, I decided to go to bed!

9:10pm. Lights out.

Day 2
8am. I woke a couple times during the night to use the bathroom (sadly, still only number 1) and with night sweats. My stomach hurt with cramps, but otherwise I was feeling fine.

8:20am. I made my lemonade, but started with plain water. Down the hatch! It was harder to drink this time. It still tasted good, but my stomach was so cramped and my lower back started to hurt too. I was NOT excited anymore about THE MASTER CLEANSE (Damn you, Kim)!

10am. I went for a hike with Tracee and the dogs, but I could feel myself dragging. I went to the Coffee Bean where I ordered an herbal tea (what I would give right now for an Ice Blended). I tried to write, but I was less than productive.

12pm. I finished my first 20 oz. of lemonade then headed home to nap and mope around. My back was killing me. My stomach was unbearably painful and it hurt to walk.

4pm. I finished another 20 oz and as I lay in front of the TV like a shlub… I decided THE MASTER CLEANSE was not for me. I understand after a couple days you are supposed to start feeling better, awesome in fact, but I guess I couldn’t hack it. I was in so much pain and I still hadn’t eliminated my toxins (Ha Ha! That’s my nice way of saying number 2). I would love to clean out my body, but this feels too much of a shock to my system. Too much for me… Maybe I’ll try OPRAH’s new cleanse that’s a little less extreme on the body (check it out at www.oprah.com) or try THE MASTER CLEANSE again when I’m spending a week alone and in pain on a desert island.

Coming off THE MASTER CLEANSE:
6pm. I drank another large glass of the senna leaf tea. My stomach was killing me. All I could do was lay on my bed.
I decided to break my fast with plain brown rice. Most suggest soup and fresh juice, but I couldn’t do it. I needed something bland.

6:20pm. The rice tasted good, but I could only eat about a half of a small bowl. Almost immediately after, the cramping became unbearable. I felt like I was going to explode (which is exactly what I did). I was in so much pain for a whole hour. The cramps felt like they were ripping my insides apart. I cried as I laid on my bathroom floor. I gagged and dry heaved from the pain. I texted my sister Rhonda who has done THE MASTER CLEANSE before many times and she said this reaction is normal and it will pass. Are you kidding me? This sucks! Why would anyone knowingly put themselves through this?

8pm. The pain finally did pass and I felt much better. I ate more brown rice and drank some water then hit the hay. I was exhausted!

What I learned from this THE MASTER CLEANSE is food and I guess the toxins in my body are FABULOUS! Ha! Ha!

Warnings & Tips
1. Please read the book and any info you can find online before jumping into THE MASTER CLEANSE! Listen to your body and use your best judgment. I also suggest asking your doctor and anyone you know who has done it successfully (unlike me) before even considering it.

2. Try Smooth Move tea instead of the Senna Leaf (the tea that I used). My sister said it makes you less crampy. Also, most results from the tea are unlike mine, so stay close to a bathroom!

3. Use Organic Grade B Maple Syrup – NOT Aunt Jemima’s. You can find it at a health food store and even Trader Joes.

4. Keep a journal to note your progress. You’ll want to remember if you ever get the stupid idea to try it again! Ha! Ha!

5. EASE OFF THE CLEANSE! Even though you are dreaming about Big Macs and cheesy gordita crunches from Taco Bell, they could really hurt you! There are many recipes online for soups that are gentle to your digestive system and great ways to come off the cleanse.

6. Eat healthier once you are off the cleanse. This is a good way to kick yourself in the ass and start a new, healthier lifestyle.

8. Listen to your body and follow what feels right. Don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty (like I did) for not making it 10 days or longer.

9. GOOD LUCK!

SEX IN THE CITY – NEW YORK CITY

What better place to see the new hit movie SEX IN THE CITY than in NEW YORK CITY? … And that’s just what I did!

On my recent trip to Bermuda, I had to stop over in NEW YORK. So I thought why not spend a couple days hanging in the city with my friends. I played with my friend Annie’s babies in Central Park, dined with my college room-mates Sarah and Celeste on the Upper East side, partied with my friend (ex-boyfriend) Grason in the East Village, and had a SEX IN THE CITY night with my girl Samantha (also in town from LA)!

I didn’t get invited to the SEX IN THE CITY premiere in New York, LA or Cannes, so I figured the next best thing was to make my own SEX IN THE CITY night with my girls in the city that made the TV show famous (I loved the TV show and used to watch it every Sunday). The only problem is I was only in NEW YORK for a couple nights and Mary and Celeste had to work. Sarah was gone on business and Annie was stuck with the babies, which left Sam and I to hit the town alone in the name of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte.

Sam and I were feeling a little under the weather (due to a bit of excessive drinking our first night in NYC), so dressing for our SEX IN THE CITY night was a challenge. Sam tried on a million and one outfits. With her whole luggage exploded all over the floor, she finally decided on a pink, ruffley number that she picked up on a recent trip to Tijuana (a one of a kind from south of the border… sort of). I went back and forth between a white Herve Leger knock off (borrowed from Sam) and a black mini, but finally donned my off the shoulder blue dress (don’t tell anyone, but its from Forever 21 and yes… the same one I wore on the sunset cruise in Bermuda! SHHH…)

We stepped out of the elevator, spun through the revolving door and our SEX IN THE CITY night kicked into high gear. Heads turned and men gawked as we hailed a cab. We thought, “Wow! We must be looking good.” (Even though we still were NOT feeling so hot).

We hit the theater near Union Square where throngs of girls had the same idea as us… none looking as fine as the two of us though! Women dress way more conservatively in NYC than in LA. We were the shining blue and the pink stars in a sea of black and navy dresses.

The lights dimmed in the theater and the movie began…

“After years of living in the city, I assumed that if my friends and I ever got our fairytale endings, that would be the end of the story… But real life always has a twist.” -Carrie Bradshaw

The film follows the continuing adventures of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda as they live their lives in NEW YORK CITY four years after the TV series ended. Carrie and Mr. Big are still going strong and her book career is in full swing (I’m a little jealous of her book career, her engagement and HER CLOSET! Ha! Ha!) Miranda is still a workaholic lawyer living in Brooklyn with her husband Steve and their son, Brady. Samantha and Smith (Who is SO HOT! SWOON!) are in Los Angeles, where his career is in high gear and Charlotte and her husband, Harry, have adopted a little girl from China.

If you weren’t addicted to the series (like I was) you may not totally appreciate the film. You may feel out of the loop and not in on the joke, BUT for those of us with a history with the characters the movie is a culmination of years and years of following these women’s lives. Those of us who watched the TV show religiously bring in years of inside jokes, of knowing the characters and of being part of their journey. It may sound silly, but I cried throughout the whole thing in happiness and sadness, in relating and understanding. It was touching, funny and visually FABULOUS! The fashion and the clothes were to die for. In the end the message of the importance of good friends and staying true to yourself was truly touching.

As the ending credits rolled, the camera pans over NEW YORK’s very hip Meat Packing district, so that’s exactly where Sam and I headed.

We hopped in a cab and fixed our makeup (excessive crying will do a number on a smoky eye) as we headed downtown. We strutted our stuff down the cobblestone street (A bit hard in heels and sadly mine are not Manolos) like we were on the runway at Fashion Week. We waved at Kimora Lee Simmons who was checking us out outside ONO Restaurant (I’ve met her a bunch of times, but I don’t think she knows me from a hole in the wall).

“I looked HOT like you girls once! Looking good!” She called as we continued to swing and sway. We looked FINE! Heads turned, men gawked and invited us to dinner (we gracefully declined). It was the weirdest thing! I don’t know if we were just exuding confidence or happiness or nonchalants, but whatever was in the air that night felt good (A nice little boost to the ego is always nice)! We were totally having our own SEX IN THE CITY moment.

We sashayed up the bar at Pastis for cocktails (I had a Pinot Grigio, not a cosmo. OOPS!) We batted our eyelashes at some very handsome men at the bar (sadly this seemed to be the only group of guys that didn’t even notice we were looking so HOT)! Men in NEW YORK CITY are so well dressed and handsome, but unfortunately they all have rings on their fingers.

We sat for dinner at the cutest little table by the patio. A warm breeze set the mood as we dined on the most delicious Italian cuisine. We shared a tomato crustini with goat cheese (to die for!) and I had the penne arrabiata followed by a bit of strawberry chocolate heaven.

The evening was FABULOUS and even though we were stuffed from dinner; we were feeling like a million bucks. We swung by the Gansavort Hotel for a drink at on the roof top bar. I chose a champagne and Sam had a Stoli Soda under the moonlight (still no cosmos)! When the glasses were empty, we decided it was time to head back uptown to bed.

We headed out into the warm night to catch a cab. Compliments continued to flow and people admired us. A group of (drunk) men approached and tried to get us to go have a drink with them. We declined again and hailed a passing cab. Trying to be funny, one of the guys asked how much it would cost… implying that we were hookers. This sent me reeling (you know how I can get)! I cursed him out, while getting in the cab and flipped him the bird through the window as we pulled away.

A sort of foul ending to a FABULOUS night, but as Carrie says in the movie…

“Life doesn’t always turn out to be your fantasy. That’s why you need friendships that are real to get you through it all.” –Carrie Bradshaw

Sam and I had a FABULOUS SEX IN THE CITY night in NEW YORK CITY!

BERMUDA

My friend Casey (the one I recently visited in San Francisco - See April 16, 2008 blog) is getting married this summer. This past weekend was her bachelorette party in BERMUDA! I love a good party and I love to travel, so I was super excited.

The only problem is its kind of a hassle to get to BERMUDA from the West Coast! Most of the other girls were traveling from New York which is just a hop, skip and a jump from BERMUDA. To try to make the most of my trip, I booked the overnight flight Thursday to New York with a connection to BERMUDA arriving at noon (leaving plenty of time to hit the beach!)

I arrived at the airport early, but nearly missed the flight! I’m such an idiot! I didn’t know you need a passport to fly to BERMUDA (a British territory just off the coast of North Carolina). Thank heavens for my roommate Dara who had driven me to the airport. She raced back home like a bat out of hell, found my passport on my desk and drove back to the airport. I got it just in time (actually 7 minutes late) to check my bag. With some begging and a couple tosses of $20 bills (I’m not a huge tipper, but there are times that you have to use the resources you have and this was one of them) my bag finally got checked in.

I was issued a boarding pass, seat 22E. UGH! A middle seat in coach for an overnight flight is about as close to HELL as you can get. I whined a little bit, but got over it as I dreamt of my destination (I didn’t sleep a wink)!

I dragged my ass off the plane in New York, washed my face in the bathroom and immediately administered an IV of Coffee and dose of Bagels to my body. Ha Ha! I met up with Sarah (also known as Kennedy) who had already hunkered down at the gate (she must have been excited too because she had arrived way early at the crack of dawn)! Jane and Annie arrived next, followed closely by Casey (the soon to be bride) and Sarah H.

We boarded the (tiny) plane and made our quick and bumpy trip to BERMUDA. As we flew in, I gazed out the window at the blue/green water and pink sand beaches (FABULOUS!) BUT the skies where grey and the clouds dark and gloomy (UGH!)

We made our way through customs, gathered our bags and headed out into the rain to start the party (nothing was gonna hold these ladies back from having a blast)! The cab took us straight to The Swizzle Inn where we met up with two more girls (Carrie also known as Chippy and Alexis). We gorged ourselves on nachos, French fries and swizzles by the pitcher (a heavenly combo of dark rum, pineapple, lime and orange juices) and more swizzles!

After we were feeling good and full (and buzzed), we hopped in a cab to the Coco Reef hotel. We checked into our pink rooms where we bunked up in groups of three (my room-mates were Annie and Jane). We changed into our bikinis (I wore my yellow polka dot one) and cover-ups even though it was still drizzling out.

We walked the beach, swam in the frigid pool and had cocktails and snacks at Elbow Beach Club next door. As the evening approached, we returned to our room to shower and change for the night’s festivities.

The evening started out with pre-dinner cocktails back at the Elbow Beach Club then we headed down to the beach for dinner at Elbow Mickey’s. Betsey (Casey’s sister) and Meghan (very pregnant) arrived just in time for dinner. We shared delicious appetizers then I ate a very yummy penne arrabiata!

After dinner, we headed back up to the lobby bar where the tunes where bumping! It was Latin night. We sat and sipped cocktails as we watch the sweaty dancers swing and gyrate to the beats. Everyone was worn out from the day of travel, so we opted to head back to the hotel to rest up for the sunny day ahead (we all prayed)! As we waited for the cab, a flash of light flew by. Annie had high-jacked a golf cart and was flying around the hotel driveway. The bellmen stood with their mouths agape, security waved her down and we howled with laughter and nearly peed our pants. (The lesson here: Do NOT leave the keys in unattended golf carts when silly girls are around!) Eventually the golf cart was parked and we got a cab back to the hotel. I was exhausted from my minimal sleep on the airplane, so I passed out in my sad little fold out cot while the rest of the gang giggled and ate candy.

We woke to clear skies and a shining sun. I hopped in my bikini (a Salina’s striped one) and headed to the complimentary breakfast where I gorged myself on bacon (I love bacon), eggs, bread and cheese, coffee, more coffee and water. Good and full, I rolled down to the beach to bask in the sun. The last of the girls (Lizzie) arrived. I laid on my back reading my book (Are you There Vodka. It’s Me, Chelsea, BY Chelsea Handler). We did (silly) bikini photo shoots on the rocks, caught up on the gossip mags and chatted in the sun.

We ate lunch at Elbow Mickey’s again (where we spotted Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas) then hit the beach for a bit more sun before getting ready for the sunset cruise with Sail Bermuda. In this crowd, I looked seriously, scandalous dressed in my off the shoulder blue mini-dress and surrounded by a sea of Lily Pulitzer and Tory Burch (West coast fashion is soooo different than the East coast)!

We boarded the sailboat with Mike, our bearded captain at the helm and set sail around Bermuda. We sipped rum swizzles and beers as the sun set over the water. Betsey had asked Greg (the groom-to-be) to answer a bunch of questions. We took turns asking Casey and checking if the answers matched. We giggled at the funny ones (“If Casey was a lollipop, which flavor would she be?”) and swooned at the romantic ones (God, I want a husband! Still looking…)

A rope on the main sail broke, so we slowly cruised around the bay with the sad little motor humming. The ladies belted the “The hills are alive with the sound of music” (Casey loves the Sound of Music. I’m not a huge fan so I did NOT sing) as I pole danced on the jib sail mast (Aren’t we the wildest bachelorette party around! Where the hell are the strippers?)

When we returned to the main land, we headed to Fresco for dinner where we sat at a big table in the wine cellar. Our handsome waiter, Scott came to tell us the specials and the hootenanny began! We howled like hyenas while harassing poor Scott (who was loving it btw). We shared a champagne toast followed by delicious wines and food. I ate the vegetable soup of the day and a yummy steak!

After our main course, we thought it would be a good idea to turn the lights off and hide under the table. We laughed till our stomachs hurt and tears were running down our cheeks (Maybe we were a little drunk! Ha ha!) Poor pregnant Meghan was not amused, but handsome Scott seemed thoroughly entertained. We finished off the evening by singing a slightly dirty version on 12 days of Christmas dedicated to one of the other restaurant patrons named Deckland. (Nothing is better than entertaining yourselves with a good laugh with good friends!)

Next we headed to Café Cairo, the BERMUDA hotspot for some dancing. We rocked the dance floor and I taught the ladies my sexy dance (sorta like dropping it like its hot). Casey ran away from an old man who wanted to grind, Lizzie and Jane wooed some locals and we even started a conga line! Dripping with sweat from our serious dance moves, we finally headed home to bed. I snuggled into my cot dreaming of one more day (well… half day) in the sun!

We woke early, shoveled some breakfast into our mouths and headed straight to the beach to catch some rays. After a bit of sun, a quick dip in the ocean and a shower, sadly it was time to head to the airport. We arrived just in time to make the checked bag cutoff and made our way through customs where security seemed to know us (Is the island that small? Or are we just that loud? Ha ha!) We ate squares of pizza (terrible!) and hunkered down at the gate to wait for boarding.

“Flight 232 to New York has been cancelled do to engine trouble,” The loud speaker gurgled and the rush to the gate began. People were frantic and yelling. Most of the gals finally made it on other planes, but Annie, Kennedy and I were left stranded in BERMUDA for one more night (Poor us!) We waited patiently, but eventually it seemed like we would never leave the airport. But the sun was shining and if we were gonna be stuck here for another night better to enjoy it! We called American Airlines and were able to book ourselves on a flight the following afternoon. We collected hotel vouchers and our bags (which took forever) then headed to The Grottos, a very schnazzy hotel (even nicer than Coco Reef where we had stayed)!

We checked in and headed straight to the pool where I ordered a Caesar salad and a swizzle and chatted with our very handsome pilot (who had saved our lives by not flying us in a plane with engine trouble)! We basked in the sun till sunset then showered and changed for dinner. We ate at the cute hotel restaurant where everything was paid for by American Airlines (I was in heaven!) I ate French onion soup, Thai chicken lettuce cups and a volcano cake with ice cream (YUM!)

Worn out from the bachelorette shenanigans (and sitting in the airport all day), we headed to bed early where I slept peacefully in a normal size bed. I woke up early and the other girls were still sleeping, so I headed to breakfast by myself (also free). I made my own omelet, ate tons of bacon and bread and cheese and drank coffee, OJ and water (Gotta make the most of a free meal! Ha ha!) I rolled to the beach and read my book and mags till the girls joined me. We swam in the ocean, took pics of fish and Annie snorkeled to the tiny shipwreck right off shore. What a great extra day in BERMUDA (Lucky us!)

Time ticked away quickly and soon it was time to get ready to head home. This time we boarded our plane with no difficulties and arrived in New York (after a lay over in Boston) rested, tanned and feeling FABULOUS (Except Annie because they lost her bag along the way).

BERMUDA is FABULOUS!

ROWDY

Recently, I inherited a dog named ROWDY. My friend Natasha (the one I stay with when I teach skiing in Colorado) got an opportunity to move to New York and she was having a hard time finding a home for her less than well-behaved dog. I, being the kind hearted loving gal that I am, offered to take him and try to find him a good home. Her only other option seemed to be dropping him at a LA shelter, which would have meant that this cute dog would have been neglected, infested with fleas and eventually euthanized. It’s a sad system in animal shelters in cities and NOT a good option for any dog.

There are so many dogs and cats without homes that shelters are overwhelmed. Los Angeles kills more animals in its shelters than any another city in the United Sates (104,841 animals where put to death last year!) It’s so sad, but for that to change we must help figure out what to do with unwanted pets. We should not breed or buy from breeders (spay or neuter your animals) or abandon unwanted pets at shelters. Getting a pet is a major responsibility and requires a lot of forethought, so be responsible! If you’re looking for a pup there are a ton of amazing dogs at shelters that need to be saved and loved!

Now on a lighter note ☺ ROWDY is a Woodle (Wheaton Terrier and Poodle mix). He is a handsome, medium size dog with an ULTRA-playful demeanor. He’s carmel colored (like me) and has long, sexy legs (like a super model) Ha! Ha!

ROWDY is about a year and a half, so he’s still a puppy and very, very energetic. PEANUT (my main man) is a mature, talented, spoiled, 6 year old Silky Terrier that wants absolutely nothing to do with ROWDY. NOTHING! They have known each other since ROWDY was a puppy and PEANUT has never been a fan. PEANUT is more into lying in the sun, watching MTV and snuggling then running wild, ripping toys to shreds and eating everything in sight like ROWDY.

Though PEANUT has his angry and aggressive moments with him, ROWDY is growing on us (well, me at least). It’s fun to have a puppy in the house again and I’ve always wanted a second dog. It probably would have been easier on PEANUT had I gotten another dog when PEANUT was still a pup too, but I think he’ll get over it or at least accept the idea.

As for now, ROWDY is happily a part of our family and settling in just fine. ROWDY is FABULOUS!