INTERNET DATING

Remember the days of chat lines? No? Maybe because I’m an old hag (haha!) or maybe because you were one of the cool kids who had the confidence to actually talk to someone of the opposite sex in real life.

When I was young, there were chat lines where you could call a 900 number and chat with boys. My friends and I would call in and giggle in the darkness. We could pretend we were whoever we wanted to be (confident, cool and gorgeous) and talk to boys, that of course we had no idea what they looked like or who they were either. They were probably old, creepy men (and pedophiles! Talk about dangerous)! But it was cool to meet people you may never have met in your regular day life, fun to reach out of your circle of friends and see who else was out there.

Now we’ve moved upward and onward to cyberspace. Meeting people on the Internet is no longer just for the kids who wore glasses and sat alone at lunch. It’s not taboo, frowned upon or embarrassing. In fact, it’s sort of become the norm when seeking true love.

Myspace was the first online social network that I joined. I thought, “What a great way to reconnect with friends.” But soon the searching for old high school and college chums turned into casual flirting with handsome guys. It’s great because now (unlike the chat lines), you can check out what the other person looks like. But, always bet that they will look only as good as their ugliest, candid picture (Be wary of someone who only has head shots and professional photos). You can check out who their friends are (in the top eight) and whom they have been talking to by perusing their comments. If you are a full on stalker (uh hum… like moi) you can go to the pages of the people who wrote the comments to see what their response was.

Soon, my myspace casual flirtation turned into meeting people for cocktails, coffee and lunch. Most of these encounters didn’t amount to much, though I did date a guy I met on myspace for a couple months (he turned out to not be for me, but we are still friends).

I do think these online communities bring out a new crop of eligible bachelors that you may not have met at the local pub. You just have to work it right so they don’t think your seeking casual sex. Myspace happens to bring out the raunchiest in some people, so beware. I’ve gotten more than one unsolicited offer for sex.

Myspace is also a great networking tool for bands, comics and people like me trying to get their name (and writing) out to the world. I have a “friends only” page (for people I know and my casual flirtations) and a networking page (for everyone else).

I recently joined Facebook too. It seems a bit more exclusive (I have yet to receive any sexual advances) and a good way to find old friends. All 368 of my Facebook friends are people I know from elementary school, summer camps, high school, college, Aspen, traveling and of course LA peeps. Though I haven’t met any new men to flirt with on Facebook, that’s not to say I am opposed to flirtation with men from my past (just check for the married icon first)!

Of course, you can also play it straight and go right to a site designed specifically for daters. During one of my single forays, I joined eharmony.com. I filled out the multiple personality tests, posted a picture, tried to be witty on my profile only to get matched up with a handful of people I would never date in my lifetime (I am picky and a girl’s gotta have standards, you know). I immediately cancelled my membership in time to get a full refund (I mean, I had already lost countless hours of my life taking tests and describing my personality).

After some more discouragement looking for men in the real world, I decided to throw my hat in the cyber dating pool again. This time I joined Match.com. Again, I filled out the multiple personality tests (Luckily, I was accepted. Not everyone is so lucky. Match.com is selective without telling you the reasons why, which must be extremely insulting). Next, I chose my most flattering pics to post and filled in the profile. This time, I was less creative. “I am picky. You have to be someone worthy being picked,” I wrote. Maybe not that catchy, but I think it got my message across. I was wrong. The messages and “flirts” from terrible men started to flow. It was a full time job keeping up with who was who, who was gross and who was definitely just seeking sex. But there were a few who I felt where good enough to move onto a phone conversation and ultimately the prize of a date!

My advice is after an email or two move onto a phone conversation. You can tell so much more about some from their voice and things they say than from an email (that is edited a million times before sending).

Next set up a drink, coffee or lunch in a public place where murder will be unlikely. Make it a simple get in and get out encounter. What I have always done wrong is to be too nice, linger around too long, chat too much (I can talk to anyone for an hour) and give this idiot the idea that we are going to walk down the aisle (or get naked) in the future. I have met zit covered star trek freaks, good-looking assholes and sweet, but terribly short men. I’ve also met a couple of guys I liked, but it never blossomed into anything. On Match.com, the men I met were ok, but missing something. They didn’t make me go “WOW!” So I cancelled my membership soon after it all began.

There are also niche-dating sites that are worth a try. Cyclingsingles.com is great for those who want meet love on 2 wheels. After we got back from Greece, my friend Kim tried Greekdate.us (she loves those Greeks) and I tried jdate.com (designed to attract Jewish singles or those looking to meet a handsome Jew). My friends Kimberly and Dara both had tons of luck meeting eligible bachelors on jdate. Being half Jewish myself, I thought I would give it a shot. I think we all want to marry men like our fathers (my dad is a nice Jewish man), so I decided the man of my dreams may just be on jdate.

I filled out the questionnaires (I marked non-practicing) and posted a pic that best showed off my prominent nose (I totally have my dad’s exact nose) and jumped in the game. I met a couple guys right off the bat that were short and arrogant, but smart and semi-handsome (Not for me). Then, I met a guy named Scott. He was sweet, funny and we went out for almost a month. But things started to go downhill and he turned into a big jerk. Just like that my jdate days were done (In fact, my internet dating days were over too)!

I met some nice people while dating on the Internet, but no one that really clicked. I did not find my prince charming! I think I’m a better judge of character in person. I know what I like and I think I’m pretty good at attracting it.
I’ll stick to meeting people in the real world. I would rather stumble upon someone amazing than work so hard seeking it on the Internet. I believe love will find me one day and that is FABULOUS!